The Wrong Way
by Jeanny
Summary: An oddly cute new threat and a secret Dawn is trying desperately to keep makes for...a typical Tuesday in Sunnydale.


Title: The Wrong Way

Author: Jeanny

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, especially the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them for the pure pleasure of messing with their lives.

Distribution: I don't mind, just credit me and let me know where it's going.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Season 6 Through Normal Again.

Feedback: Please. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Summary: A strangely cute new threat and a secret Dawn is trying desperately to keep makes for...a typical Tuesday in Sunnydale.

*************

"How is she?" Buffy asked absently. Tara frowned as Willow looked up at them and giggled, looking back at the Play-Doh she was alternately squishing and stuffing in her mouth. Seeing Buffy in the doorway, Xander dropped his own bit of the brightly colored clay and stood, looking slightly guilty as walked away from the table.

"Willow? Don't eat that honey," Tara called, then shrugged. "Pretty much the same as before you went on patrol. I can't believe she would do a spell now. The day I move back in, after she's been doing so well..."

Buffy felt similarly stumped. When she had left for work in the morning, Willow had been her usual self, happily going about the business of getting her room ready for Tara's return before her classes. A frantic call to the DMP from Dawn later that afternoon had brought her running home to find her best friend sprawled on the kitchen floor, banging on pots and pans. An emergency Scooby meeting followed directly, but so far they did not know exactly what had happened. They did, however, have a theory: that a spell of Willow's had gone wonky. None of them liked it, but it was the best they had at the moment.

"Pretty colors!" Willow suddenly shouted, then went back to her play. 

"Did you guys find out anything? About the spell?"

"She's currently functioning at a something less than coherent level, Buffy. Think toddler time. No complete sentences," Xander said. "We tried, and, well, we just got her to stop saying 'spell' over and over about an hour ago."

"Spell spell spell spell spell spell spell..." Willow chanted cheerfully, before taking another bite of shocking pink goo. Both Tara and Xander moaned. Willow giggled again, then suddenly frowned, dropping the Play-Doh back on the floor. Tears sprang into her eyes. "Ohh, pretty colors! Now I feel sick."

"That was a complete sentence," Buffy noted, and Xander made a face.

"There's a spell that should tell me what kind of magic she used. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to reverse it," Tara said as Buffy stepped forward and helped the tearful girl to her feet.

"Tummy hurts, Tara," Willow sniffed. Tara tried to smile as she took her girlfriend from the Slayer and led her upstairs to the bedroom to lie down. Xander and Buffy watched them go.

"Anya's gone to the Magic Box to pick up what Tara needs for the spell," Xander shared. He was unable to hide his relief that his ex-girlfriend had gone. Things were still more than slightly awkward between them, and Xander was convinced that she was constantly sizing him up for vengeance. "And Dawn's holed up in her room. She's been acting funny ever since Willow's been...acting funny."

"Understandable," Buffy said, shaking her head as they both collapsed on the couch. Lost in thought, Xander failed to notice Buffy's wince of pain. The slayer sat stiffly forward as Xander lounged casually.

"You know, Tara's right. I don't get why Will would try out a spell today, of all times." 

"It makes not sense," Buffy agreed. Xander gave her a sidelong glance and grinned.

"Sit back, Buff. Relax, take a load off. Regale me with tales of slayage. How went patrol?"

Buffy grimaced. "It was pretty quiet on the vamp front, but I did run into a new kind of demon. Which reminds me..." Gingerly she shrugged off her jacket, and Xander's sharp intake of breath told her everything she needed to know. "How bad is it?"

"Geez, Buff? What did that?" Xander asked. The back of Buffy's blouse had been shredded, and three long, deep slashes were on her back, still lightly oozing blood. "What did you fight, Freddy Krueger? And please say no." He stood to run to the bathroom to get first aid supplies, a bit pale from the sight.

"No," Buffy said, almost smiling in spite of herself. "New kind of demon. Apparently here by way of the Hundred Acre Wood."

"Huh?" Xander called, coming back with antiseptic and bandages. He set them down on the coffee table then headed to the kitchen for a bowl of hot water.

"They were little guys, two of them. Really cute, until you got to the big long razor sharp claws. Like Pooh bears crossed with rabid wolverines."

"You had to face them alone? Where was Spike?" Xander called from the kitchen. Buffy was glad he was out of sight and couldn't see the sudden flame of color on her cheeks.

"Why would you think Spike would be there? It's not like I don't patrol on my own all the time."

"Hey, it's okay with me if Little Willy's not playing tagalong. Just he's been pretty much a fixture of late."

"Yeah, well, it's like I said. No vamps. Just me and the pets from Hell. Again with the literally. You just gotta love this town."

Xander came back in and set about setting up his supplies. "But you made with the slayage, right?"

"Yup. Furballs are officially history. It's cool how many things stakes will kill."

"Sounds like a book, maybe. '1,001 uses...'," Xander said, finally ready to begin. He lifted a pair of scissors and hesitated. "Umm, Buff? You might want to get another shirt, to put on, after...I mean, this one's a lost cause, but if Anya comes in here and finds you half naked with me, I'd be better off in a cage filled with your new furry friends. I'm still on her vengeance list after the wedding debacle, you know. One false move..."

***********

"...and this will all be over," Dawn murmured under her breath as she pushed open the door to Spike's crypt. It was still in total disarray following the recent explosive redecorating. Spike was sitting on a burned out chair, smoking a cigarette and staring at the wall. He looked up balefully as she entered.

"Bloody Hell! You again?" he said, but without any real emotion behind it. Dawn took a deep breath.

"I need your help."

"I'm out of the helping business. Slayer doesn't want me around anymore, so I'm back to being the Big Bad. Now get out." Dawn said nothing, but her shoulders began to shake silently. Hearing her shuddering breath, Spike exhaled in frustration. "Bollocks! Are you crying?"

"N-no," Dawn sobbed. Spike stared at her for a moment, then shook his head slowly, cursing under his breath.

"Quit the waterworks. What's all this about, then?" Spike sighed.

"I did s-s-something...and now W-W-Willow's all wrong and B-Buffy's going to be mad when she finds out it was me...I didn't mean to..."

"What did you do, pet?"

"I thought it was a blessing on the house. To make everyone that lived there happy cause I thought, that was good, because Tara's coming back and if I made sure everyone would stay happy then she wouldn't leave again but it must have been a spell or something because Willow was the only one home and now she's like a little kid and everyone's mad because they think she did it and I can't tell them it was me..."

"Sounds like an honest mistake, bit. I don't think-"

"I stole the book from the shop," Dawn muttered, so low he almost didn't hear her. "After I promised I wouldn't do that anymore."

"So, what do you need me for?"

"I need you to help me get it back where I found it, so that we can go find it and help Willow. Then I won't get into trouble." 

"Why not just take it back to the house and tell them you found it?"

"And explain how I got in the Magic Box, what I was doing out, and why I knew where to look? That would work. And, hey, then I'd have all day to pack for reform school!" she finished sarcastically. "No, this is the only way. We have to be subtle, but I know we can make sure they find it. You know, accidentally on purpose?"

Spike paused to consider. The truth was, he was bored silly. And he missed seeing Buffy. He had refused to patrol with her since her change of...whatever...and he had been plagued with fears that she might need him for...well, a bloke could dream. Plus, what they were about to do was pretty much all kinds of wrong, which always brought joy to his undead heart. He took another long puff off of his cigarette, enjoying Dawn's nervousness. He could almost pretend it was him she was afraid of for a moment. 

"We have to hurry," Dawn said desperately. "They're gonna figure it out. Or Buffy's gonna realize I skipped."

"Let's go, then," Spike said nonchalantly. Dawn smiled in relief and a short motorcycle ride later they were at the shop. Spike couldn't help but grin.

"A little break and enter, like old times, luv?" he purred. Dawn looked even more nervous at his cavalier attitude.

"Right. Except, subtle. Remember?"

"I'm subtle, when I want to be," Spike replied, and Dawn rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I should just do this myself."

"Hey! I'll show you subtle," Spike snorted, reaching for the handle and almost falling in when the door swung open. The two of them looked into Anya's surprised frown, Dawn quickly hiding the offending volume behind her back. Fortunately the street was still dark enough that Anya didn't seem to notice.

"What are you too doing here?" she snapped.

"Xander said we should help you," Dawn said quickly. Anya's eyes narrowed at the mention of her erstwhile fiance, and Dawn quickly amended, "I meant Tara."

"Oh," Anya said, still frowning but no longer angry. "I don't see why. I wrote down the ingredients she requested very precisely, and everything's here." She held out a bag triumphantly, and Spike took it, skimming the contents quickly. "I even made out a purchase order, with all the pricing, so that I can secure payment from Willow when this is all over. I mean, it's only right that she should-"

"S'not Xaflaxa root," Spike said, holding up one of the vials. Anya took it, scowling. "Says it is, but it doesn't look right. Supposed to be yellow." Anya turned around and went into the shop, still frowning at the apparently offending vial. Dawn and Spike quickly followed. While Anya was leaning under the counter, Spike motioned Dawn toward the bookcases with a hurry up gesture. The ex-demon was paying them no mind, pulling out a large reference tome containing information on magical herbs and leafing through it, muttering to herself.

"I swear, I'm going to wish a horrible curse on some of these suppliers. I mean, what if Tara had accidentally turned Willow into some kind of mushy pudding thing or something. I've told them time and time again, that's what happens when you mislabel in this business." Spike continued to block any view Anya might have of Dawn, who as quietly as possible slid the book back into the bookcase then gave Spike a big thumbs up and a happy grin. "I mean, people can get really hurt, or worse, they can sue the shop, or me, or...here it is! Xaflaxa root..." She compared the vial to the rendering in the book and looked at the vampire suspiciously. "It looks right. It's not supposed to be yellow."

"Really?" Spike asked in mock surprise. "I thought it was. Sorry, my mistake." 

Anya's gaze wandered from Spike to Dawn, who had moved away from the bookshelf and was doing her best to look innocent. She still looked wary but shrugged, dropping the vial back in her bag of ingredients and picking it up.

"I suppose it didn't hurt to check," she said grudgingly. "Come on, then. I'll give you a ride back to-"

"Got my bike," Spike said quickly.

"I'll go with Spike," Dawn said almost simultaneously. Anya shook her head in wonder as her two unexpected helpers made a hasty retreat.

"Maybe Willow's contagious," she sighed as she locked up the shop.

***********

"I think I finally got her down," Tara said wearily, joining Xander and Buffy in the living room. She gasped when she saw Buffy's bandaged back. Xander's back was gallantly turned as Buffy gently pulled a fresh blouse over her head. The slayer winced at the movement. "Oh my God, what happened?"

"Buffy got a bit too close to the Hellmouth's answer to the Care Bears," Xander answered over his shoulder.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Buffy demurred. "Willow's asleep, you said?" she continued, wanting the change of subject. Tara nodded wearily.

"Anya'd better get back soon. I don't think I can do this much longer. She's worn me out. She just gets into everything. Her attention span is nil. It's hard to keep coming up with things to keep her busy and quiet. And I'm thinking paste and Play-Doh may be some kind of miracle energy food."

"I've been helping," Xander protested and Tara smiled an overly bright smile at him.

"You have. You've been great!" she said, then leaned over to whisper in Buffy's ear, "He's been a sweetie, but you know, it's kinda like having two kids instead of one. I even caught him eating some of the paste." Buffy snorted in amusement, then froze as her Slayer senses started to tingle.

"Did you guys hear something?" she said softly. Tara moaned.

"Please don't tell me she's up already?" she begged. A second later they all heard it. A thump coming from upstairs. Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"That's coming from Dawn's room," she exclaimed, running up the stairs two at a time. Tara and Xander stood to follow, but just then Anya walked in the door. Tara almost hugged her in relief.

"Oh, oh, good, let's get started," she said, walking the former and current demon towards the kitchen. Xander hurried up the stairs, happy to not have to deal with his ex for the time being. He reached the doorway of Dawn's room and stood in shock at the tableau of Dawn sitting on the floor near the window and Spike's torso caught halfway in, Buffy looking at both of them murderously. The vampire was attempting some kind of explanation that Buffy clearly wasn't buying.

"Wait, Slayer, don't!" were the only words that Xander heard before she shoved the blonde out the window and shut it, effectively muffling his startled scream. Xander winced when he heard the landing thud, loud even though muted. Buffy turned to her sister, whose eyes were darting around guiltily.

"I can explain!" she said hastily, crawling across the floor. "I n-needed Spike's help...getting school supplies! For a project and it's due tomorrow, and..."

"You really don't expect me to think you snuck out of the house to work on something for school, do you?" Buffy asked, shaking her head. Giving up on innocent, Dawn decided hurt and indignant was the way to go.

"You don't trust me!" she wailed.

"I don't see any supplies," Buffy answered. Dawn reached under her bed, grabbing blindly. Her fingers latched onto a plastic bag that had somehow found a home there during her last whirlwind cleaning. She had no idea what was inside, but she brandished it triumphantly.

"See? Here. Supplies. Don't you feel silly?" she half-laughed. Before she could move, Buffy snatched the bag from her hand and looked inside. The scowl that on her face at that moment made Dawn pretty sure things had just gotten way worse.

"I don't believe this," Buffy said tightly. "How could you?"

"I didn't mean it!" Dawn said reflexively. Her eyes widened when she saw Buffy pull out the can of spray paint, obviously not new and nearly empty.

"You and Spike have been spraying graffiti, haven't you?" Buffy accused.

"No!" Dawn said automatically, then paused to consider if she might be better off with that story. "Well..." 

"I don't believe this. I really hope that he didn't land on a tree branch or anything, because I'm really going to enjoy staking his smug self-centered nonbeating heart."

"Buffy, no!" Dawn cried, but Buffy had been distracted by the cloud of pink glitter that had just floated into the room. Xander practically tripped over his own feet getting out of its way, but it floated right past him and Buffy to settle around Dawn. As soon as it did it began glowing faintly. Dawn started to laugh, then looked panicked. "What is this? Get it off of me!"

"Oh my." Buffy and Xander saw that Tara and Anya had joined them. The exclamation had come from Tara, who was looking at the pink glowing girl with a stricken look. "Dawn, how could you?"

"Tara?" Buffy barked, her tone demanding answers.

"Dawn did a spell on Willow. One called an idyllicia, pretty simple to do but easy to get wrong. That's why she's-"

Tara's next words were drowned out by the loud crash from down the hall, followed almost immediately by a familiar scream.

"Willow!" Tara moaned.

"I got it," Xander volunteered quickly. Anya had been glaring at him since she'd come in the room, and he relished an excuse to get out of there. Tara nodded gratefully, and all attention turned back to Dawn, who was still beating semi-frantically at her arms. She was shaking violently.

"Make it stop," she half-sobbed. Buffy looked at Tara in alarm.

"Is that hurting her?" she asked. Despite her upset, Tara had to grin as she responded.

"Nope. Tickles."

Buffy started to grin too, and Dawn screamed in fury.

"Get out, get OUT, GET OUT!!!!!!!!"

Her observers exchanged wry glances, and Tara rolled her eyes.

"Well, THAT never happened before," she quipped wryly. Buffy chuckled until they heard another crash and Willowy scream, followed by Xander's shout. Tara and Buffy ran out of Dawn's bedroom, Dawn and Anya behind them but still inside the room. The witch and Slayer were shocked to see Xander running down the hall as best he could while half-dragging an uncooperative and mightily struggling Willow.

"Xander, no! Wanna play with Teddy! WANNA PLAY WITH TEDDY!!" the girl shrieked.

"Bad idea, Will. Really bad idea," Xander panted.

"Xander what the hell...ohh...crap...that's not a teddy bear," Buffy breathed, seeing that they were being chased by one of her fuzzy opponents from earlier, which was now clearly not dead and gaining on them. Thinking fast, Buffy pulled the door to Dawn's room closed, shutting Dawn and Anya inside and shouting, "Don't come out." She checked for weapons and found that all she had was Dawn's spray paint can. Heedless of that she ran to try to tackle the little beast, just as Xander reached the stairs. 

"Buffy!" he cried desperately as he jumped back to avoid the creature's talons, causing him and Willow to fall halfway down the stairwell. "I thought it was dead! You killed it!"

Buffy desperately dove and grabbed the demon's feet, yanking it backwards. "Yeah, well, I guess we have to change the book to `1,000 Uses'," she panted. Desperately she sprayed some of the paint into the creature's eyes, making it whimper adorably. Behind her she could hear Tara chanting, and saw the creature slow down, shaking its head sleepily.

"Run, Xander!" Buffy cried. Xander didn't need to be told twice. But Willow was now sitting on one of the steps, holding her knee and howling. Xander tried to get her to stand but she was immovable. He finally managed to pry her fingers from the banister and tip her into a fireman's carry. She squirmed and kicked the rest of the way down the stairs, still screaming.

"When this is over, I'm putting you over my knee, young lady," he groaned, managing to get her into the closet and close the door behind them. Buffy sighed in relief and stole a glance at the blonde witch behind her, seeing that she was pale and swaying slightly. Clearly the spell wasn't something she could keep up for much longer.

"I got this, Tara, Get out of here," Buffy said. Tara nodded gratefully, heading back to Dawn's room. The Slayer scrambled backwards, looking for a new weapon. Without being sustained constantly, Tara's spell was wearing off quickly. She took one sad last look at the hall end table, then grabbed a leg, breaking it off like it was the drumstick on a chicken. She stood, brandishing it like a club, then took a running start, vaulting over the top of the short demon, somersaulting and landing firmly at the bottom of the stairs. 

"Come and get me, Ling Ling!" she said with bravado she didn't feel. The little furry demon growled endearingly and came barreling down the stairs, launching itself into the air, steely claws extended to rip Buffy's throat out. Buffy bounced on her toes for a beat, then opened the front door. The little demon flew out of the house.

"Ooof! Owwww! That bloody hurt! What the..."

The creature had tumbled right into Spike's arms, its claws slicing his leather duster. The two were now rolling around the porch, locked in combat. It was one of the most simultaneously frightening and hysterical sights Buffy had ever beheld. Spike cursed as the demon got another good gash in, and that spurred Buffy to action. She lined up the table leg like a golf club and when Spike found himself on the bottom of their little tussle, Buffy took a swing at the creature that knocked him off the vampire. Spike struggled to his feet.

"I swear I already killed this guy," Buffy stated as the little creature rocked forward and got to its feet, shaking its head in a way that she no longer found remotely cute.

"It's a Koniloji demon. They can play dead, but only way to make them stay that way's to burn 'em"

"Where's your lighter?"

"Not good enough, luv. Need a whole lot more firepower."

Thrusting her makeshift club into Spike's astonished hands, Buffy ran back into the house and up the stairs. Less than a minute later she was back, holding the spray can she'd dropped earlier. Spike had just bashed the Koniloji back and was looking at her questioningly.

"Lighter!" she ordered, and Spike tossed it to her overhand. She caught it and held it out, hoping the mere fumes left in the can were enough. She tried to think of another good fire-related quip, but was too tired, so she just pressed the nozzle and flicked the lighter, noting with a sideways glance how Spike had moved well clear. The resulting burst of flame managed to do a more than efficient job of charring her terror of a teddy bear. It fell of the porch and into the bushes, the flames extinguishing themselves in a few minutes. She and Spike exchanged brusque professional nods.

"Where's the other one?" he asked suddenly.

"Other one?" 

"Koniloji only fight in pairs."

"Buffy!" Multiple voices cried out. Buffy and Spike ran into the house to see the second Koniloji having torn the hall closet door from its hinges. Xander had managed to duck out with Willow under his arm, but it was about to corner them. Worst of all, there was no way for her to repeat her makeshift flamethrower without running the risk of burning Willow and Xander. Tara, Anya and Dawn were running downstairs as she headed for the little demon. It turned its head and hissed, and despite the dire situation, Buffy heard Dawn say, "Awww!"

"We've got to get it away from them and outside. Fire's the only way to kill it," she informed the others. Xander had closed his eyes, covering Willow as best he could with his body so that he would take the worst of the claws. The redhead was wide-eyed with terror.

"Buffy, stop!" Tara commanded, and Buffy froze. Tara waved her hand towards the creature. "Inciendo!" The bear-like demon screamed as it burst into flames, reduced to ash in the blink of an eye. Buffy raised an eyebrow at Tara, who shrugged, pleased. "I never tried that before."

Willow giggled, cueing Xander that they were no longer about to die. The redhead clapped her hands. 

"Again!"

***********

"So the conditions of the grounding are clear?" Buffy asked sternly. Dawn sighed heavily, her best long-suffering edition.

"No mall, no TV, no phone..." She ticked off each one on her fingers sullenly.

"No Spike," Buffy prompted.

"No Spike," Dawn conceded. "You know, Willow's not as mad as you. She said it was okay, honest mistake."

"That's because Will has no memory of her second childhood, which means we may never find Xander's keys. And she still has residual guilt over you getting hurt during her black magick trip. Which I, so unfortunately for you, do not."

"Fine," Dawn said, mentally already figuring her way around the new restrictions.

"And you can just stop thinking about how you're going to cheat." 

"Gah! Don't do that!"

Buffy's serious expression slipped into a small smile for a moment, then she fixed her severe parental expression back into place.

"Everyone's pitching in to make sure you're home, studying, nightly." Dawn slumped crossly. Buffy now did allow herself a real smile. "I might consider clemency. Time off for good behavior and such. If..."

"If what?" Dawn asked excitedly.

"If you can show me that you learned something here. Something that will make a future reoccurrence of this badness an impossibility."

"Oh. I did! I learned...I should never read stuff from magic books out loud because even if it doesn't look like a spell it might be...and I should never even have those books because I'm not supposed to just take things without asking..."

"Okay, good, anything else?"

"I should always tell you when I do something bad, because if I don't I could make it worse...and..."

"And?" Buffy prompted.

"And I learned Spike can't do subtle."

Expression unreadable, Buffy stared at her sister for a long moment, then nodded.

"Okay. You've learned enough."

THE END

*************** 

And yes, this was a challenge fic. Thanks, Argent!

Argent's fic challenge:

Buffy MUST be holding a spray paint can and say, "Ohh...crap...that's not a teddy bear."

Xander MUST be running/falling down some stairs and say, "I thought it was dead! You killed it!"

Spike MUST be smoking and say, "Bloody Hell! You again?"

Willow MUST be eating and say, "Ohh, pretty colors! Now I feel sick."

Anya MUST be in the magic shop and say, "That's what happens when you mislabel!"

Tara MUST be casting a spell and say, "Well, THAT never happened before."

Dawn MUST be around people and say, "Get out, get OUT, GET OUT!!!!!!!!"


End file.
